a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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