Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
