he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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