I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize