There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
