Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
