it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
