So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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