i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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