two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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