I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
