Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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