We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
