So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
