Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
