but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
