Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
its liver damage thursday
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