I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
And then he peed in my hair
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