I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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