he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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