i just wanna soil my oats bro
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
