Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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