HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
