I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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