Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
