okay pat passed out under dana's car
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
