Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
