so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize