But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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