I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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