Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
