normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
