Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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