I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
