I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
