I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Actions speak louder than pants.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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