Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
