You're a womanizer and a bitch.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
