So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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