He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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