she looked like the before picture.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
