my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize