what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
