i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
