no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
