The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
