i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
