Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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