If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
