We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
