Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
