Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
