He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
