I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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