Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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