kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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