It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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