i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
