There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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