so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
