The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize