PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
