In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you made out with another girl for some wings
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
