Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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