If that was your dad, he is hot
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
