It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
