We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
