mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
