My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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