Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize