I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
