why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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