If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
