and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
