If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
