This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
