her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
