Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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