I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
