I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
