Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
