He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
