I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
