I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
