Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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