Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
