I must be too annoying 4 u.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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