i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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