Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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