were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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