Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
