i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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