the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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