how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
