Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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