she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
