the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
