I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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