I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't make out with my wife yet
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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