just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
