it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize