Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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