she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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