Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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