Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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