come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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