my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
