What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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