Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
