He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Betty ford says i'm here all night
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
