how can u be prego again
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
