its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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