Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
